How we see ourselves and how we treat ourselves greatly contributes to the overall direction of our lives. For a long time, it was difficult for me to view these expressions in a positive light- I thought that having a good self-image suggested arrogance and that engaging in self-love was selfish. I was so caught up in wanting to see the good in other people and in considering their needs, I quite forgot to deem myself important also. Though, I hardly think that I am alone in this. Many of us have a lot of love to give out and yet struggle to give the same treatment to ourselves or to accept the equivalent from others.
I believe that many things on this Earth are cyclical, and that love is part of that. If we all loved and cared for each other a little bit more, the feedback that we would get from that would likely satiate our own needs. I guess the success of this proposition depends highly on the commitment and involvement of other people to want the same ideal. And so, perhaps it is unrealistic and overly romantic, and to expect it might leave us waiting for a very long time. As with a lot of things, this is where the importance of balance comes in. We must be able to give out love just as well as we can receive love, and much of this starts with the practice of loving ourselves, or at least being able to see ourselves in a positive light.
Something I have come to wonder in regards to self-image, is how exactly do we come to the conclusion of how we see ourselves? Of course, there are many elements to our upbringing that aid in the development of our self-perception, be it our families, friends, adversaries, or the society in which we live. None of us are strangers to this way of thinking and can probably identify so many tribulations we have had to deal with where our self-worth was brought into question, concerning how we look or how we are. Yet surely a large part of our self-image is based on how we compare ourselves to the ideals that we hold in our mind? Although many of these ideals we may have developed are likely influenced by the current trends in society, individually we still hold very different opinions.
I knew someone who was so beautiful. She had very dark hair and very pale skin scattered with freckles, and yet she always wished that she could have lighter hair, tanned skin, and no freckles. I would always tell her that she had such a striking, enchanting sort of beauty, and that her freckles were a part of that, but she couldn’t see it. In her mind her ideal was the opposite of herself, and that is what she would continually compare herself to. What I am trying to illustrate here is that, for many of us, we want the opposite of what we already have. We can look out at the world and see everything that we don’t have, and yet there will always be others looking at us, wanting what we have, whether we approve of it or not. When we look at ourselves, what is it that we are looking at? In some ways we know ourselves incredibly intimately, so much so that our flaws leap out in ways that may not be as obvious to others. It is incredibly difficult to see our own faces or bodies objectively, without linking them to our thoughts, feelings, emotions, and experiences.
A huge part of developing a healthy self-image is to be able to accept ourselves first. Self-acceptance is the capacity to accept ourselves wholly, including the things that we view as positive and negative. This isn’t to limit our self-development in any way, but instead to put us in a stable position for positive growth. If we can give up on hating ourselves, we are more likely to be able to see ourselves as work in progress. Truly we all are work in progress, since life is a huge learning curve, and there is no end to what we can learn, endure, and experience. But if we can’t get to a point where we do accept ourselves and find ourselves to be worth betting on, we are far more likely to give up on self-improvement altogether. And then we would be missing out on all we could achieve within our life, whether it is improving our health and beauty, building a family and homelife, or making waves in our career. Self-acceptance is what can help us see that we are worth putting the effort in, showing us that we can be the creator of our self-image, if we are ready to take the reins.
In many ways, accepting ourselves and our self-image is only half the battle, the second part being self-love. Once we can accept what we are, we may be more likely to find the motivation required to care for ourselves better. To me, self-love or self-care is what we do to look after ourselves, how we eat, sleep, exercise, de-stress, and even present ourselves. We do it because we know that we are worth it and because we have high standards for ourselves. Ironically, after the motivation to care for ourselves properly is found, huge physical improvements can be achieved simply through making choices that are in our best interests. Though, self-love cannot only be found through health improving means, instead moments of peace and solitude are also beneficial. Time away from the world to relax and calm down, doing the things that you enjoy, whatever they may be. Recognising when you need to recharge or slow down. Recognising when you need to gather yourself before you can continue moving forward. It isn’t selfish to take time for yourself and to love yourself, it is necessary in the creation of a nourishing and fulfilling life.
Similar to the notion of self-belief, I do believe that self-image and self-love are internal experiences that do not need to be externalized. Believing in ourselves, accepting our self-image, and practicing self-care are not things that need to be advertised. To be able to build a strong sense of self, close to your core, is to build a private, unshakable inner confidence that isn’t swayed by the opinions of others but moves to its own rhythm. Seeking external validation as a means to build self-belief, self-love or self-acceptance can come across as either arrogant or pathetic, depending on the manner in which it is approached. This is not what I stand for, especially as I believe that anything that we want starts with us. If we want to be viewed in a certain light, we have to see ourselves in that light and others in that same light too. If we want to be cared for in a certain way, we must care for ourselves and others in that way as well. We do not do it because we are above people, we do it because we are their equal.