The Cycle of Self-Perception
How we see ourselves affects how we treat ourselves and others...
Our self-perception is vastly important when it comes to what we let in and what we block out from our lives, which can be both good and bad. If we perceive ourselves to be defective or inadequate for whatever reason, we may be more likely to permit poor treatment towards ourselves and refute more positive experiences or opportunities. Perhaps this is because we have decided that we deserve this treatment or that we are strong enough to ‘take it’, and yet are undeserving of some more positive additions to our lives. Fortunately, for the most part, this is rarely true and something that is pieced together within our own minds based on what we have or haven’t had to endure. You see, there are also people whose self-perception is far more optimistic and constructive. They believe that they are worthy enough to be treated respectfully and deserving of any thrilling opportunity that might come their way, because they have decided that to be true of themselves. And so, they are careful with what they let into their lives, and strict with what they can block out- including poor treatment and remorseful experiences.
Now, I think most people are somewhat in-between these two examples. In some areas of their lives, they are optimistic about what they can achieve and what they deserve. In other areas they perhaps take a more pessimistic view. I imagine that much of this is based on our experiences early on in life, from childhood to early adulthood, when we aren’t able to recognise that the experiences that we go through do not necessarily have to become predictors of our future or limit our expansion. From then on, we make choices to protect ourselves, in an effort to try to avoid going through the negative experience again, rather than figuring out how to work through it, learn from it, and transform it into and opportunity for growth.
Therefore, it is in our interests to build a self-perception of ourselves that is illuminated by positivity and optimism intrinsically. We should look at all areas of our lives and identify where it is that we are limited, what the reason may be, and how we can work through it. Then, we can start working on treating ourselves better and putting ourselves in positions where we can start to achieve what we would like to achieve. It is so easy to believe that the world is against us because we don’t have the confidence to go after what it is that we want. Few people are born without some kind of external barriers in place, and yet, for most of us there is always a way through when we believe that we can work it out. If we don’t give ourselves the opportunity to develop our sense of confidence, we can end up resenting other people’s success. The people who are doing what it is that we would like to do. Either we can blame it on the notion that they have more opportunities or money than us, or we can go after it ourselves. I’d say go after it. Life is too long to not go after what you want and too short to waste.
Once we treat ourselves better, we will be far more likely to expect a similar level of treatment from other people. Gone are the days when we would think that we warranted being humiliated or oppressed, though our actions in response to this behaviour are not inflammatory. Remember, we have already built our unshakable inner core of self-confidence and distinct identity. Instead, we just move away from it, block out the malice and refuse to let it back in. The more used to this practice we become, the more adept we will be at spotting individuals that have no place in our intimate world before they get too close. We want to attract and prosper relationships with people who treat us well, who we enjoy having as company, and who adds to our life in a positive way, which brings me onto my last point.
If we can learn to treat ourselves well and expect a certain level of treatment from other people, we must of course offer the same towards them too. No-one likes someone who has high standards for themselves, yet low standards for how they treat other people. They’re described as mean, and so are pretty uncaring creatures. Fortunately, when we have built such a strong sense of our own identity, self-image, and value, bestowing the same treatment and attention to other people becomes easy. When our glass is overflowing, why wouldn’t we want to share? You see if we allow ourselves to settle into a poor self-perception of undesirability, we are far more likely to resent the notion of caring for others because we cannot accept the same amount of care for ourselves. When our glass is empty, we have nothing left to give. This is why developing a strong and positive self-perception is so important, because it doesn’t only affect our lives in regards to what we can achieve and how we allow people to treat us, but also how we view the world and treat other people as a result. And, if how we treat other people makes up a large part of how we are viewed by other people, surely it is a cycle that could lead us right back to how we develop a positive self-image.